There as many reasons why you would want leave a boyfriend or a girlfriend, as there are strats in the sky. It could be that he doesn’t shower, or she puts on too much make up, or he cheated on you, or she steals fom you, the list is practically endless. Sometimes however, the split is not mutual. You may leave a relationship because it didn’t quite work out for you anymore, but your partner might not necessarily feel that way and linger on hoping you’ll get back together, even if you’re with someone else already. When an ex gets increasingly obsessive, it’s definitely not fun and games for you. These simple steps may help you get rid of them.
1) Be Frank
Love, lust, all these emotional things may seem too delicate, especially if your partner has low self-esteem or is easily depressed. However, don’t beat around the bush or be too diplomatic while breaking up. If you don’t think the relationship has a future, tell them firmly. It is always better to tell the truth, but do it in a polite, and respectful manner, don’t be mean or sarcastic. Remember, the goal is to make them understand, not to hurt their feelings.
2) Learn to Ignore
They are obsessive because they do not get it. They will not leave you alone. Learn to ignore them. If you continue indulging them, they will never leave. Simply ignore his/her calls, texts, emails etc. For a chiq, in case he’s being particularly obsessive or you’re feeling particularly vicious, get a male friend to answer his calls. If he’s crazy enough to show up at your hood, do not entertain his advances at all. You’ll be inviting trouble. And it will be all the more difficult to wash your hands off the maniac. Keep a little distance. Dudes, hanging around a girl that still loves you may give her the idea that she could still get you back, and could hurt any possible new relationship you have. Keep her as far apart as you can.
3) Keep things diplomatic
This only applies if you have to keep seeing them. In some cases cause of school, or being neighbours you can’t avoid them as much as you would wish. Remember; s/he is just another person, not a friend. Remember the distance, if it can’t be also physical, it should at least be emotional. Don’t lead them on in any way; you don’t know what s/he understands from what you’re saying. Remember in their twisted mind they still want you back. So be extremely cautious.
4) Show off your new life
Don’t be cruel enough to rub it in their faces, but do show them that you are moving on with your life. An innocent status update on a social media site or old-fashioned word-of-mouth via common friends could do the trick. You could simply be enjoying your new-found single status to catch up with your friends or reconnect with yourself. If you are dating, it is better not to let the person know that you have someone new too soon after the break up. S/he could start imagining that you cheated on them, and that could make him/her very angry and depressive. You do not want an angry obsessive ex around you or your new boo. It is important that you do not share any details about your new partner with the ex. It makes them obsess more, and details about the new girl or boy’s life, where s/he studies, lives, even showing pictures, etc may endanger him/her (depending, of course, on how crazy your ex is).
5) Be Firm
Do not tell him/her that you are better off alone, but then return the next week because you’re lonely. Don’t tell them you prefer to keep a distance but talk to the person every day. S/he’ll try to get your attention for as long as you are willing to give it, and that only hurts them more and creates a hard situation for everyone. Be strong! Stand your ground!
6) Block his/her number
In case the earlier steps don’t work, you need to take a reality check and understand that you have a real stalker on hand. Use technology wisely. What once was a boon when you were still together could seem like a bane now. Block his/her telephone number and direct his/her emails in your spam box, you should also unfriend/block them on social media. Most use these to track you (especially if you are an avid user). This should hopefully make them get the message that you’re just not interested anymore.
7) Cut off contact with common friends
We are living in over-connected times. A few friends in common on social networking sites and social media are all it takes to stalk someone. Change your settings to ensure maximum privacy and stop keeping in touch with common friends (virtual and otherwise).
8) Call the cops, snitch
If all else fails, this is your absolute final resort. Guilt-struck? Don’t be. S/he asked for it. There’s a limit for everything. And when s/he crosses his, it gives you license to follow suit. Parents always want to keep us safe. If you feel they are becoming a threat, do not hesitate to tell on them. They are obsessed, they can do ANYTHING to you. Even in law there are “crimes of passion”. So you gotta be keen.
Always note that you have to be consistent with what you are saying and doing. Try as hard as you can to be nice about it. Never upset someone that is obsessive towards you. It can aggravate the situation. If the situation gets too extreme, inform a responsible adult. At the end of the day, this was someone that you loved or really cared about. You should want what is best, and if you’ve moved on, then it is not good for this person to linger.