Breaking up is not an easy thing to do for anyone but wouldn’t it be great if everyone could break up with a loved one and not have it be a screaming or a fighting match? These days couples are breaking up with loved ones via emails or texts and this can only lead to future arguments and some very vindictive behaviors. Feelings are going to get hurt and people are going to be upset but you can minimize the backlash if you break up with someone respectfully and as nice as you can.
So what should you do to have an easy break up? Here are the dos and dont’s:
What to do
1. Talk face to face: Don’t use technology to break up with someone. It is rude and disrespectful. The only way to break up with someone over the phone is if you are in a long distance relationship.
2. Express your true feelings: You want to make sure that you let them know that you had true feelings for them but somehow they have changed. Try to be as honest as possible without being brutally honest if you know what we mean.
3. Don’t prolong the break up; make a time where you both can return items that you would like back. Keep in mind that the person who is considered the dumped may not be so willing to right away. So in the back of your mind consider these items lost, if you get them back them it is a bonus.
4. Don’t be nasty: Try not to make nasty remarks remember you are doing the breaking up and that is enough emotional distress to begin with.
5. Offer to keep a friendship but make it clear that you understand it won’t happen right away but over time. You will sound sincere and it may make things easier.
What not to Do
1.Don’t make a big scene, try to do a face to face break up but do not invite the other person out to dinner. They may take this the wrong way, it sends mixed messages.
2. If you are the person being broken up with, don’t make a scene, if you don’t have the relationship anymore then at least keep your dignity.
3. Keep your feelings to yourself, don’t blast them online or create rumors about them. Relationships fail all the time and this one did not work out.
4. Don’t nag: As hard as may be at first, keep yourself from calling, texting or emailing. This will make it harder on you and if you stay away from that person who broke up with you, you won’t have any mixed signals and may work best for you in the long run.
Breaking up is never easy and if you follow these tips, over time you will see that it gets easier by the day. Get together with friends, do dancing or have a nice dinner. Do everything that you didn’t have time to do since you were in a relationship and as the phrase goes, there are other fish in the sea.
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. Don’t be ashamed to weep it is right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”
By Muthoni Wachira