3. He doesn’t listen to you.
If he never pays attention when you talk to him, what’s the point of dating him? He doesn’t need to recall your conversations word for word, but he should put his phone down for a sec (yes, really), listen, and offer thoughtful input. That goes double when you’re stressed or upset. Sure, his eyes might glaze over when you’re obsessing over something for the millionth time, but anyone who is worth your time should take a genuine interest in you and your life. Otherwise, what’s the point?
4. He doesn’t support your goals.
Maybe you ask him to run flashcards before your big test and he says no. Or maybe you talk about your big dreams of running your own company one day and he laughs you off like he doesn’t believe you can do it. That sucks. In the long run, you’ll be happiest and most successful with someone who has total faith in your abilities by your side. If he’s always shooting down your goals, he might just be insecure about his future. But that’s no reason for him to bring you down. Whoever you date should believe in you and support your dreams and ambitions.
5. He pressures you to get physical before you’re ready.
Choosing to hook up or have sex can be a big decision. There’s no reason to rush into it until you’re really ready. The right person will respect you by listening to your boundaries and taking things at a pace you’re both comfortable with.
6. The relationship is all about him.
You hang out at his house when it’s convenient for his schedule and get pizza because it’s his favorite food. And while that’s totally cool once in awhile, relationships are about give and take. If he can’t give let you choose what to watch or talk about what’s on your mind every once in awhile, he’s way more into himself than he’s into you. You deserve someone who thinks you’re bomb and makes you feel special.
7. He never compliments you.
Even shy or stoic guys can open up every once in awhile to say nobody makes him laugh like you do, or that you look like a freaking supermodel in that dress.
8. He doesn’t try to get along with your friends or family.
Your BF doesn’t have to be besties with your besties, but he should make a serious effort to get along with the people who are important to you. And if your friends and family don’t have heart-eyes for him, they might be picking up on red flags that you’re too smitten to see.
9. You can’t talk to your friends about him anymore because they keep telling you he sucks.
Chatting with friends should be fun and easy. If you’re doing mental gymnastics to avoid dropping your boyfriend’s name and incurring the wrath of your friends’ haterade, that’s a huge red flag. Unless they’re jealous monsters, they aren’t randomly hating on your boyf just to hate on him. They know you deserve way better (and wish you knew that, too).
10. You’ve never met his friends.
In all the time you’ve spent together, you’ve heard countless hilarious stories about his friends John and Peter. So… where are they? If you’ve been dating for awhile and still haven’t met his friends, that’s pretty suspicious. He may not mean to hide you away, but if he makes up sketchy excuses when you tell him you’d love to meet them, it might be a sign something’s not right.
11. He calls you crazy.
“Crazy” is what guys call girls when they want to invalidate their feelings and experiences. It’s a red flag that he isn’t mature enough to really listen to you, and own up to his behavior. And if he swears up and down that every single one of his exes are crazy, it may be a sign you should run. The common denominator in that ~crazy~ sitch is him.
12. He checks out other people.
Obviously, he’s allowed to think other girls are cute, but you should feel confident enough in your relationship to know that he’s only into you. But if he’s staring at the girl across the room when you’re literally right there and ignoring you, he’s not worth your time. It’s human nature to notice when other people are cute, but he shouldn’t make you feel bad or insecure every time you go out.
13. He cheats on you.
Leave. Seriously, get out. Pronto. He’ll do it again, and even if he doesn’t, you deserve someone who would never violate your trust and risk your relationship like that.
14. You always text him back right away, but he takes his sweet time to respond to you.
If he goes a few hours without returning your text every once in awhile, it’s NBD. If he rarely writes back on time and sometimes not at all, consider why you text him back right away. Because talking to him gives you butterflies? Because you’re having a fantastic conversation? Because you’re polite? And why isn’t he returning the favor? If his texting fails bother you, let him know. He might not realize you’re counting the minutes between his responses. Or he might not feel the same way about you — in which case, you don’t need him in your life.
15. He gets jealous when you spend time away from him.
A healthy relationship involves spending time together, sure, but it also includes time apart. If he gets salty once, he might just feel left out. Schedule a date night ASAP and invite him to tag along during the next group outing. If he repeatedly has trouble trusting you to be on your own, that’s a huge red flag that he could be unnecessarily controlling or even abusive now or at some point in the future.
16. He blames you during every argument — and never apologizes when he’s the one who messed up.
Look, no one’s perfect and relationships can be tough to navigate sometimes. Maybe you did something to bug him once or twice. Womp, womp. That doesn’t give him license to blame everything that goes wrong in your relationship on you. When he screws up or hurts your feelings, he has a responsibility to own up and say he’s sorry. If Bieber can do it, so can he.
17. He threatens to break up with you all the time.
This is emotionally manipulative behavior. You shouldn’t have to go through life cringing every time you say or do anything, worrying that your S.O. is going to drop you for good.
18. He always flakes out on plans.
If he cancels one date to study for a big test, that’s understandable. If he constantly flakes out because he wants to play video games at home, or something better came up, that means you’re dealing with a dude who doesn’t respect you or your time. Save your time for someone who will make time to hang out, because he can’t wait to spend time with you.
19. He never takes you out on a real date.
We’re not saying your boyfriend sucks if he can’t afford to take you on fancy dates all the time. But if your BF never wants to go out in public together, whether it’s to grab fro yo, see a movie, or hit up a party together instead of just hooking up at home every single time you two hang out, that’s a sign he’s not ready to commit. Either he’s not listening to you (see #3), he’s more interested in hooking up than having a real relationship, he’s sketchily trying to hide you, or he’s just lazy and not putting any effort into the relationship.
20. He’s not cool about the things you like.
There’s a difference between gently teasing you for your Pretty Little Liars obsession and making you feel dumb for caring about what’s going on in Rosewood. That difference, BTW, is R-E-S-P-E-C-T. He doesn’t need to love everything you love, but he shouldn’t make you feel bad for liking the things you like.